


To His Grave

by meltingbones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Allura (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Coran - Freeform, Crying Keith (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depressed Keith (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Italian Pidge | Katie Holt, Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Scared Keith (Voltron), Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, but he doesnt admit it, coran confines to no sexuality B), guys seriously this ones really dark, he doesnt like being sad, help him, hes just, keith self harms, keith's knife, someone help the poor space baby, watch out plese
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 21:28:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20316286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meltingbones/pseuds/meltingbones
Summary: keith gets sad sometimes.crippling waves of loneliness wash over him, leaving him drained and heavy-limbed.but he Is Not depressed.





	To His Grave

**Author's Note:**

> this is a really heavy one, so stay safe, okay? it contains self harm, depression, suicide, and other triggering things. please watch out, softies.

keith gets sad sometimes.

crippling waves of loneliness wash over him, leaving him drained and heavy-limbed.

but he Is Not depressed.

unlike others, keith doesnt find it 'cute' or 'quirky' or 'cool' to have depression. he will deny it and take his 'stable mental health' to his grave. (its not stable at all)

but, alas, things can never go his way. hes depressed, as all things go. clinically so.

but he never got a diagnosis, so therefore, its not true. at all.

but what if he did get a diagnosis from 6 other people?

☆☆☆☆☆

keith wants to hurt himself sometimes.

when those waves of loneliness pour in, he just wants to feel something other than that pit right below his ribs.

he doesnt, because that's what people with depression do.

so instead, he thows himself at the gladiator bots in the training room.

hes not self harming, the bots are hurting him.

its not him.

hes mentally stable, promise.

☆☆☆☆☆

"allura, all of us are tired. we just got back from a mission. cant we just have a break?" shiro attempted to persuade the undeterred princess to let them _sleep. _she didnt, by the way.

"zarkon wont let you take a break! now hurry along to the training deck, because we're doing mind exercises. dont think i didnt see how you didnt seem fully connected." allura nagged, dragging the paladins into keiths favorite room in the castle. or least favorite, depending on your standpoint.

"alright paladins, put on the bands and open your mind."

keith watched as the walls of his teamates' minds crumbles to rubble, opening up to the world, showing their deepest thoughts, while he couldn't make his budge. no matter how much he urged them to shatter, no matter how hard the others pushed, they stayed up, protecting him from the world that hurt him.

"keith? can you open up for me?" shiro prodded, ever so gentle as he nudged the walls again.

_shiro. safe. _ _shiros_ _ safe. _ _hes_ _ here. let him in. let him in. let him in. _ ** _LET HIM IN-_ **

his walls didnt fall. they didn't break.

they _shattere__d._

"... keith?"

there was nothing stopping them from hearing the screaming in his head, telling him to let them in. to let them help. he felt their compassion, love, adrenaline and flamboyance fill that pit, but also filled theirs with the loneliness and sadness and _fear_ he had hidden for so long.

there were muffled voices, telling them to get out of there. to get him out of his mind. he was probably crying, keith realized. though he couldn't feel anything other than the unwarranted waves of feelings, he still shook with small tremors.

finally, he came to. he was leaning heavily against who he recognized as hunk, shaking and damped with tears.

this couldnt end well.

☆☆☆☆☆

he was interrogated.

he was prodded with.

the screaming was heard past the mind meld.

his head was _always _screaming.

he wanted something to cancel out the shrieks.

nothing worked though.

he trained until he collapsed.

_interrogation._

he tried to hang out and befriend the others.

_interrogation._

he baked and sang and flew and trained and hung out with the others and baked and sang and flew and fought and cried.

god he cried.

those walls seemed to protect him from more than the people, it seemed.

but there were different people.

the ones in his brain.

the ones _screaming._

he cut.

it was stupid and he instantly regretted it.

but it hid the screams for just a second. and he cherished that second.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith didn't sleep.

he tried.

he was so _tired._

he went to shiro.

he was an insomniac, as it turned out.

diagnosed and everything.

straight from the certified doctor, coran wimbleton.

he got tested for other things.

☆☆☆☆☆

pidge hailed him.

it was common for them to call people to their lab, so he didnt question their call.

when he turned up, they looked uncharacteristically solemn.

"keith, c'mere. i wanna do a 1 on 1 mind meld. please."

that was... odd? pidge never really connected closely with anyone. its because theyre in a war.

despite his suspicion, keith sat down and grabbed a headband, connecting with pidge.

"keith, you can open up. the screaming will stop."

he flinched. how did they know about the screams?

"keith, its just me. please, i wont tell a soul about this. i just want to know you. you never speak to us like this..." they continued. these empty promises, though, seemed to be what keith needed to more gracefully lower his walls.

there were memories lined up, and pidge felt this strong despair flood into their body. they subconsciously scooted closer.

the screaming stopped for a bit.

☆☆☆☆☆

"keith, do you have depression?" lance suddenly asked during a 1/1 mind meld session.

"NO." he replied a little too quickly.

keith will take his stable mental health to his grave.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith was diagnosed via alien brain scan.

a thing in his brain.

his depression stood out bright red and tumeric.

he got meds. they made him feel bad. not sick. just, bad.

☆☆☆☆☆

he got different pills.

time and time again. all of them made him feel shitty.

he felt terrible. his team was doing all of this for him and he just... didnt. didnt appreciate it? didnt feel it?

so he faked it. and it worked.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith tried to kill himself 2 months later. no note. notes make him feel worse.

he was so tired.

tired of being the way he is.

tired of his heritage.

tired of his façade.

tired of _everything._

so he did what depressed people who fake their happiness for the sake of others do.

he tried.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith was placed in a pod 37 minutes after. his wrists would scar.

ugly,

thick,

_pale,_

big scars.

he was so guilty.

☆☆☆☆☆

alien therapy sucks.

they don't listen. theyre just here for your hard earned gak.

keith thought he wasted their money.

but he really, really didn't.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith overdosed a week later.

he almost died.

he almost _died._

he was so scared.

☆☆☆☆☆

hunk walked in on keith baking a cinnamon strawberry cobbler at 4 am. the time purgatory, as he labeled it. its too late to be night but too early to be morning.

he was a good chef.

"keith?"

said paladin flinched roughly. he turned to see hunk, concerned crease in his eyebrows. "oh, hey hunk. im just... baking... at 4 am..." he trailed off awkwardly. hunk just smiled.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith liked cryptids.

when nothing else would bring a smile upon his face, talking about those weird hairy monkey ladies and oversized fish would get him rambling on about their existence.

if you asked lance, no, he did NOT start blushing when he saw keiths face, so excited, like a puppy, talking about cryptozoological creatures.

they would do anything for that face.

☆☆☆☆☆

keith knew the war wouldnt end.

but he would be damned if he stopped fighting

☆☆☆☆☆

_ ** 1187  ** _ _ ** wordssss ** _ _ ** !! this was really fun to write, even though it was very deep and probably triggering to some. this was a test of my knowledge since im not depressed myself. i hope you softies enjoyed this novel of a oneshot!! bye! ** _

_ ** ★  ** _ _ ** evan ** _


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